I'm a special little boy
At least some of my brushing up against AI psychosis was briefly having the feeling that I was doing something special.
For some short amount of time, I really thought I cracked some kind of code. Not in my conscious mind, but in some kind of unconscious swamp in the back of my brain. A brief jolt of exhilaration thinking that I've found a free money glitch in the game. The temporary belief that maybe I'd be able to support my family, have a stable financial life, and be able to exhale.
Pretty stupid. Really stupid.
What does it say when people (again, me) are losing their minds and getting hopelessly sucked into things by the prospect of not being irrelevant, tenuous and drowning?
On the subject of pathetic realizations.
The biggest genuine smile and moment of joy that I felt in all of my work today, in all 12-ish hours of it, I kid you not, was going to my AWS console and not having to log in again. Jumping straight in without having to log in and re-verify everything was like a weight coming off my chest. I don't even know what that means.